weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
