Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
