my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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