I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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