All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
