maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize