oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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