i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize