so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
