my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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