She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
