Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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