Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
