she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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