This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize