I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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