Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
