his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
