either way he was missing a nipple.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My bed smells like the plague
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize