As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
