my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
