This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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