In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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