fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
