I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
