I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
