I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
