I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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