He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize