he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
