Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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