Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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