Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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