They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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