I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
