I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
