That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
