Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is it penis luge time yet?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
