He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
