I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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