I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
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