yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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