A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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