I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
