This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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