I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
