the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my poor anus
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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