Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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