I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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