What a fucking waste of an outfit
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
