He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
