fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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