Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then he peed in my hair
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