the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
