Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
