i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
