apparently the secret to your success is patron
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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