I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
