you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
