we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ketchup is God's man juice
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
