He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
