He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
