I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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