Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
