I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize