Who wears a wallet chain?!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
