Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
