YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
