I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
