I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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