you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
