I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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