I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
