If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My vagina is officially offended.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
