No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
