He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
