could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
