did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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