I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
