the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
